Hillary Clinton, Huma Abedin and Handbags

Hillary - The Bag
Fashion & Politics from Cripes! Suzette



Rumors continue to swirl about Hillary's sexual preferences.

The latest and most specific involves her closest aide and "body person", Huma Abedin.

This story is a few weeks old and frankly, it didn't interest me at all because its the same tired speculation about old Hill being a devout and practicing bi-sexual, because there could be only one reason women would spend a lot of time together, right?

But once again, the male dominated Hillary-watchers have failed to determine the true goings on inside the Hillary campaign. And it's so obvious!

Unbeknownst to my reading public, I have been scouring the media outlets, syndicate photographs and video clips of Hillary's appearances to see when and where she carries a handbag.

Handbags, you know, are a particular area of interest for me and I think that close observation can help to identify a theme to the type of bag she prefers or a pattern to where she uses them, and then we will be able to draw some evidence-based conclusions about who she really is.

Consider it to be a counterpart to psychological clues imparted by body language - accessory language! Think what we could deduce from her choice of a banana bag over a clutch, and Heaven help us if she ever turns up with a sling.

But it was not to be. My search for a Hillary Handbag sighting was fruitless. And then this week, the mystery was ended. Both of the issues were at at once cleared up and you were there to witness to it. Observe:



Did you see it or were you too busy writing your own jokes about American flags throwing themselves to the ground in HRC's presence? Watch again as Huma herself enters the frame from the left carrying the mother of all handbags, the Marc Jacobs STAM bag.

Work that satchel, honey.

And she is too - you can judge the heft of it by how she's got enough stuff in there for herself and Hillary with room to spare for one or two small dogs, a SATCOM radio and the nuclear launch codes. See how her left arm is all but immobilized because of the steady bicep flexing necessary to keep that thing up?

And see how she overcompensates for a shifted center of gravity by leaning to the right side? I estimate that bag to clock in at about 14 to 16 pounds, which might not sound like much until you have to cart it around in the crook of your elbow for more than 15 minutes. Hillary's stuff is definitely in there.

No wonder she's always by Hillary's side.

It's not a love connection at all - she's the pocketbook holder. The male pundits didn't figure that out because they do not have necessary heightened level of handbag awareness. If they did, the sex scandal rumors would never have bubbled up to the surface in the first place.

If HRC becomes the Democratic nominee and then wins the presidential election, it's Huma that will be toting around the nuclear football.

She's already got that chain thing ready to attach the bag to herself and has demonstrated that she can be cool and collected during an unexpected event - she never compromises her bag-holding posture or drops that left forearm to put the bag at risk of slipping away.

Now you know.

The above Suzette article originally posted November 14 2007 at Cripes! Suzette. Want more Suzette? You may be interested in these other offerings from that same period: Second chances and furniture: * Two Truths and a Prediction * Recommended Guidelines for a Happy Inter-action with your Scale

DBKP Political Scandals Library Over 40 DBKP stories and videos about political scandals involving the 2008 Presidential Candidates. Included are Hillary Clinton, John McCain, Barack Obama and John Edwards DBKP stories.

by Suzette
image: dave lucas
Source: Hillary - The Bag



Death by 1000 Papercuts Front Page.

Obama the Next JFK? Michelle O's Enormous Feet

I Take Umbrage. Umbrage!
Fashion & Politics from Cripes! Suzette




Despite the fact that I have only a handful regular readers, my influence on the mainstream media continues. I don't know how it happens, but the MSM copies me.

And they've been doing it for quite a while.

I won't bore you ( or give them more ideas) by listing the tedious details of the many instances when it has happened, but things are at a crisis point now.

Take this (40 Years Later, Still Mocking Spiro Agnew's Trail Talk), for instance. Last week, I made a bunch of new taglines to go beneath the blog title, including the one on display now.

The thing that makes this different from previous instances is that I didn't even publish it and yet the big news outlets knew what I was thinking! So that's what it's come to: All I have to do is think of some good blog material, and boom! - the next thing I know, it's all over the news.

I can't prove anything in a legal sense, but believe you me, I'm putting a moratorium on thinking around here for a while to throw "them" off.

But big deal - you want Spiro T. Agnew? You can have Spiro T. Agnew. I'll even throw in the Agnew file I started from my forays into the Time Magazine archives and the image of his headstone from Find-A-Grave.

There's something more important we need to talk about.

Have you seen the Guardian article comparing the fashion statements of Michelle O and Cindy Lou? Ok, that's all well and good - all they do here is semi -seriously list a few points like hairdos and accessories in a boring presentation. I suppose it's all fair game. But, people - check out this Jezebel piece IN WHICH THEY INTERPRET FASHION SIGNALS BY MAKING POP CULTURE REFERENCES.

Future First Ladies Should Be Judged Solely On Fashion

Uh huh.

Now I ask you: is this not a direct poaching of my "Cankles" concept?

Don't bother answering - res ipsa loquitur!

See how I have to resort to Latin to express myself now? That should throw them off my trail for a while.

Further, I am withdrawing myself from the internet for a period of four days, starting immediately*.

I can only hope that will be a sufficient time span to let my trail go cold and I can get back to blogging without the responsibility of carrying the on-line press.

Just in case I should mysteriously disappear as punishment for this whistle-blowing, I am forced to play my trump card months ahead of its time:

Our next president is Barack Obama. Not only is he the new JFK, but Michell O is the new Jackie O. I base my prediction solely on the striking similarity in the size of their enormous feet.

You try finding an image of Jackie's feet - it's not that easy! I think she must have used a four-pronged approach to keeping the public unaware of just how colossal those things were:

1. The First Lady period: the contemporary press were in on that whole Camelot thing and never published anything unflattering to the couple. The only time you see a full body shot of JBKO from that time period is when her toes are peeping out from under an Oleg Cassini original.

2.The Post-First Lady period: She must have leveraged her close attachment to RFK and asked him to wield that Kennedy power over the media to expunge all podatric images.

3. Mrs. Onassis - feet always hidden from long-range lenses behind the deck rail of The Christina.

4. Jackie O - In that pre-Photoshop era, she used Ari's money to hire former CIA document experts to doctor all photos of her feet and crop images at the knees.

Well, it's a new day and Michelle O and her big mouth are getting a pass from the critical press, and not just her big mouth but her big feet, too. Look long and hard at this photo taken before she was anointed as the new First Lady. ( Sorry, Hill. Really, really sorry to see you go.) That was before it was decided that she's be the next First Lady. Look at the flood of photos of her since her husband's star started to rise - see any feet anywhere? No! The media protects her from harsh foot-related comments from an uncensored public.

I further predict that during the Inaugural Parade down Pennsylvania Avenue towards the White House, the Os will be riding in a car, not walking and providing and opportunity for the world to look at her feet in action.

Bookmark this page and refer back to it in the months to come. You know I'm right and now I have it on the record before the MSM tries to co-opt it. I would also like the record to show that I am the originator of the moniker "Michelle Three Feet" because each of those gunboats is 18 inches long.

* Coincidentally, that is the exact length of time that I will be gone to Florida for a professional conference.

Want to read more Suzette? Here's some recent offerings for Cripes! Suzette: Pop star Prince to have secret hip replacement: * I don't want to discuss my personal life but you know I have bad knees, don't you? Very Bad Knees. The Joys of the Martini: * I Wonder if Queen Victoria Ever Had One of These?

by Suzette
images:
* 1 - comedy
* 2,3 -Cripes! Suzette
Source: I Take Umbrage! Umbrage!




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Death by 1000 Papercuts Front Page.

Fashion: Dress Boutique Critique

Dress Boutique: I Am Woman
Fashion & Politics from Cripes! Suzette



When you're diving past the dress boutique, you never know what you are going to find. Consider this week's window display.

Observe the diverse offerings here: the dark maroon number on the left is created from countless tiny knife pleats in the chiffon. Swank! The extravaganza of giant bows on the one in the middle looks like it was made with Ellie May Clampett in mind.

On second thought, maybe not - I could see Ellie May in the giant shoulder bow, but Granny probably would not let her get away with that one at ground zero. But our focus here cannot be anything else except the beaded bodice on the right side of the window.

I'm guessing that the theme of this window is "I am Woman". Not content with letting the dresses speak to that fact by themselves, notice the enhancements we see here. The crystal pin in the cleavage of the dark maroon dress draws the eye from the boob crack on down.

The big bow of the ruffled dress brings attention back to the how-do-you-say Venus area. And then there's those beads.



Bosoms

I don't know quite what to make of it. Check out the pirate patches under the swags of beads. I've inspected this very closely and cannot figure out what that is about. Is it part of the bodice for modesty's sake? If so, a blinking neon sign would be more subtle.

Is it just me, or do the black triangles call attention to that very area? If the dress is meant to be worn without the patches - for they don't seem to be attached in any way - are these things added on for the sake of the dummy's dignity?

Who knows? Perhaps they were trying to prevent the public from becoming overly excited by a peek at artificial and not-too-realistic boobies. After all, there was that incident with mannequin abduction in the past. Maybe the window dresser was just trying to hold the lid on the level of allure to prevent a similar occurance in this case.

- - - - - - - - - -

A few of the comments on this June 9 2005 included the following:

I liked your original title to this post - very clever. Did you change it because you were afraid it would bring in the wackos?
--Emlighten-NewJersey | June 09, 2005 at 10:21 AM
Yes, that's exactly why I changed it. I should have learned my lesson from the time when I mentioned the *lsen Tw1ns and a bathtub in the same entry. The perv traffic was immediate and sustained. - Suzette

Boob Crack??? I shall never think of décolletage the same way again.

Posted by: Dah[Beed | June 10, 2005 at 04:44 AM

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Want to read more Suzette? You may be interested in these Cripes! Suzette offerings.

Quick Hitters:
* Aftermath of the Thursday Night Martini Club
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* Brown is the Color of Despair

by Suzette
images: cripessuzette
Source: Dress Boutique: I Am Woman


DBKP.com - Bigger, Better!.
Death by 1000 Papercuts Front Page.