Fashion: Curious Lack of Certain Obama Pix

Fashion and Politics
One for the Monday, Two for the Show
by Suzette
Cripes! Suzette

I didn't want to have to start analyzing President Barry's wardrobe, but I see that none of you are going to do it, are you?

Let me begin by addressing the elephant in the room. Why do we never see a pants lump in pictures of the presumptive nominee? You know what I mean - the big baloney. The wonder down under. (Don't worry - I've got a million of 'em, and the campaign season has only just begun.)

Even in those photos of him splashing around in the surf in a wet bathing suit, you can't make out anything. And when he had a chance to wear those lycra biking shorts, he chose instead to put on his mom jeans. And I ask you - have you ever seen thicker fleece than those sweatpants he wears to play basketball? The worst of it is that he provokes us to look there.

Now men, I'm sorry if this is a revelation to you, but the ladies look at you there all the time.

All the time.

So we're hardly in need of inducement to do so. Yet look at the careful staging as the President of the World appeared before the masses in Germany today. The stance is reminiscent of the Blue Suede Shoes-era Elvis, the end of the tie draws the eye downwards, the pants bag out where the lump should be. And the very buzzwords from the campaign: Hope and Change. Hope and Change. I hope he changes into some slim-cut khakis before I get too old.

Donatella Versace said his suits are ill-fitted. This issue must be exactly what she's talking about because she designed a line of "stream-lined" menswear inspired by him. You can yammer all you want trying to prove that the MSM is covering up for him, but you won't convince anybody until you show photographic evidence that not once in all the millions of images of Obama is there the slightest bump. If that's not a cover-up, I don't know what is.

But don't worry - I'll be watching.

WANT more Suzette? Try these recent posts: * Are We Missing Hillary Yet? * Are We Missing Hillary Yet? * Remember, Deer, You Are Concrete And To Concrete You Shall Return

by Suzette
images: Cripes! Suzette
Source: One for the Money, Two for the Show

Hillary Clinton: Where's She Been and What's She Been Doing?

Fashion & Politics
One Sunny Day in New Hampshire
by Suzette

Oh, she's back - she's back! We missed ya, Hillz. And OMG they've got matching outfits! They're ready for a couples competition in ballroom dance or a Sonny & Cher road show. Everybody sing:

[HIM:] They say I'm young - my ears are big.
At least I'm not a blue pant-suited pig.
[HER:] I think I know how you stay thin.
Did you get here by riding on a Schwinn?

Bar.

The answer to what Hillary's been doing all this time seems to be fairly apparent - she's been packing on the hip meat and she grew a little pooch, too while she was at it. Maybe that's the underlying cause of her "campaign" debt - the bills for all that arugula started rolling in.

.

.

The presumptive nominee checks out the rear view to see if it's any better and presumes that it was more like a gallon of ice cream, a bottle of Hershey's Chocolate Syrup and a spoon. Every night.

.

.

In a belated bit of political fence-mending, BO attempts a conciliatory gesture aimed at Muslim American voters. By placing his coat over Hillary's head, he can prove to Muslim voters that he's got nothing against covered-up women.In this case, he prefers it that way.

.

.

Bill is not the only Clinton who wants their ass kissed by Obama. Hillary waits while Barack indicates he's rather choke himself with his tie. There's not enough angry old lady voters in the country to make that happen.

Scenes From A Campaign:

• Unity, N.H., is not just small, it's small and out-of-the-way. For the attendees, the choice of location would be a nightmare.
• the Obama campaign went to great lengths to separate the media from the crowd, deliberately making it difficult for reporters to interview attendees
• It was a hot day, nearly 90 degrees, and there was no shelter.
• thousands of attendees stood in the downpour awaiting thier bus
• It had become apparent by the end of the day that the campaign really hadn't given any thought to the comfort of the people it had bused in.

"The poor folks who gave up an entire day of their lives to see this event got sunburned, dehydrated, then soaked all so Obama could have his symbolic unification rally in this remote town.It was also ironic that the campaign that has made so much out of promising the swift and orderly withdrawal of U.S. troops from Iraq could not even manage an exit strategy for Unity, N.H." Andrew Cline, The American Spectator

by Suzette

Want more Suzette? Check out some recent posts from Cripes! Suzette: * Sometimes, All I Want is a Baloney Sandwich * Cultural Illiteracy

images: Cripes! Suzette; zorpia
Source: One Sunny Day in New Hampshire

Hillary Clinton: Priscilla Presley, Demi Moore, Leeches, Silicone and Hillary

Hillary Goes Hollywood
Fashion & Politics from Cripes! Suzette



Poor old Priscilla Presley.

Here we all thought she wanted to look like that and all the while she was the victim of an unscrupulous doctor/gigolo who promised something better than Botox but actually used low-grade silicon normally used for auto lube. Never approved for injectable use, "the injections cause lumps, paralysis and holes ... Priscilla is currently receiving corrective surgery to fix her face."

Grin Tired of getting the business about her wrinkles and aged appearance, our gal Hill decided to get in on the action, only she had the misfortune of being injected with silicon carbide normally used for plastics and ceramics. These injections caused her face to solidify into a glassy jack o'lantern grimace, ideally suited for both cable news interviews and scaring superdelgates away... Hillary is currently receiving raspy voice lessons from Joan Rivers.

In other celebrity beauty news, Demi Moore reveals the secret to her youthfulness is leech therapy, but not just any leeches - she insists on using "highly trained medical leeches" which, excuse me? but I've been in the medical business for quite a while now and I don't believe I've come across any training programs for leeches. (note to self: investigate leech-related job opportunities)

Hillary said she won't be needing any medical leeches because she's already got two ugly blood suckers that are permanently attached to her.

Want more Suzette? You'll find more at her blog, Cripes! Suzette. Other recent Suzette offerings: * I Am the Glamorous Type * Don't Know Much About History

by Suzette
image: Rodney Parsons
Source: Hillary Goes Hollywood
* Hillary Clinton: Priscilla Presley, Leeches, Silicone and HRC


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Fashion: Dress Boutique Critique

Dress Boutique: I Am Woman
Fashion & Politics from Cripes! Suzette



When you're diving past the dress boutique, you never know what you are going to find. Consider this week's window display.

Observe the diverse offerings here: the dark maroon number on the left is created from countless tiny knife pleats in the chiffon. Swank! The extravaganza of giant bows on the one in the middle looks like it was made with Ellie May Clampett in mind.

On second thought, maybe not - I could see Ellie May in the giant shoulder bow, but Granny probably would not let her get away with that one at ground zero. But our focus here cannot be anything else except the beaded bodice on the right side of the window.

I'm guessing that the theme of this window is "I am Woman". Not content with letting the dresses speak to that fact by themselves, notice the enhancements we see here. The crystal pin in the cleavage of the dark maroon dress draws the eye from the boob crack on down.

The big bow of the ruffled dress brings attention back to the how-do-you-say Venus area. And then there's those beads.



Bosoms

I don't know quite what to make of it. Check out the pirate patches under the swags of beads. I've inspected this very closely and cannot figure out what that is about. Is it part of the bodice for modesty's sake? If so, a blinking neon sign would be more subtle.

Is it just me, or do the black triangles call attention to that very area? If the dress is meant to be worn without the patches - for they don't seem to be attached in any way - are these things added on for the sake of the dummy's dignity?

Who knows? Perhaps they were trying to prevent the public from becoming overly excited by a peek at artificial and not-too-realistic boobies. After all, there was that incident with mannequin abduction in the past. Maybe the window dresser was just trying to hold the lid on the level of allure to prevent a similar occurance in this case.

- - - - - - - - - -

A few of the comments on this June 9 2005 included the following:

I liked your original title to this post - very clever. Did you change it because you were afraid it would bring in the wackos?
--Emlighten-NewJersey | June 09, 2005 at 10:21 AM
Yes, that's exactly why I changed it. I should have learned my lesson from the time when I mentioned the *lsen Tw1ns and a bathtub in the same entry. The perv traffic was immediate and sustained. - Suzette

Boob Crack??? I shall never think of décolletage the same way again.

Posted by: Dah[Beed | June 10, 2005 at 04:44 AM

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by Suzette
images: cripessuzette
Source: Dress Boutique: I Am Woman


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